Unfold

When you have nothing to do, time slips through your fingers like sand and your mind is set adrift. I remember sitting on the coach when I was on holiday, looking at the trees and houses flashing by. There's nothing much you can do on a cross-country drive that lasts several hours at a time, except think about everything.

It's toxic the way things that happened months ago still bother me. Ironically, thinking and doing nothing has somehow inadvertently allowed these terrible emotions and thoughts of mine to be dredged up. My Dad told me he's sick of my whining, and I know that. I'm sick of it myself. I try to vanquish these thoughts away but they end up flooding back whenever my Mum says something horrid and hurtful, unleashing all this negativity within me once more.

It's like a spider within my brain, tapping and prodding me occasionally, when the moment counts.

I'm so frightened, and my parents think I'm a disappointment, so what the fuck do I do now?

ultraviolence

University is going to start in little over a month's time and I am oscillating between excitement and anxiety. On one hand I am pleased by the prospect of meeting new people, while on the other hand I fear for the people I am going to meet. Sometimes I don't get how certain friends of mine can escape the realm of 'Bitchdom' and I've been trapped there since the age of 10. Here's to hoping I break free.

Moving On

My dear blogger has served its purpose well, and I suppose it's its time to wither and die off. I shall be writing most of my film reviews on letterboxd now, since it is more convenient and organised. I guess I shall return to this webspace whenever I reach a conundrum in life or if I feel a great need to write vaguely about events that either piss me off immensely or please me. 

Au revoir for now!