this is how it starts

Ever since I chanced upon them on Spotify back in June 2013, I fell in love instantaneously. The second I heard the sweet highs of singles such as "Sex" and "Chocolate", I was sold by their songs that were paradoxically crystal-clear yet layered. I guess my love for them also deepened over the A level period because they gave me a phenomenal L.P. to listen to as I studied for that arduous exam. 

I still remember when I was checking my Twitter feed and the Straits Times informed me they were coming. A sort of euphoria washed over me even though my instincts told me they would drop by soon (they went to Manila for fuck's sake!). 24 hours after the gig, I'm happy to note that it was everything I wished for and more.

Firstly let me state that one must not be tricked by the live recordings available on YouTube, especially the one of their Coachella performance. Somehow the sound was distorted and they sounded much worse compared to the real thing. I was initially worried about the quality of Matt Healy's (the lead singer) voice because it was getting a bit strained after extensive touring, and perhaps exacerbated by his smoking. And yet he delivered, sounding every bit as good he did on the album.

More significantly, he pulled off a feat I never thought imaginable: He sung and smoked at the same time. I don't know how he pulled it off while looking like a rock god and without coming off as a douche, but he did. For the rest of the performance he interacted well with the crowd, bantering with us about the heat and even going the extra mile to care about the audience's welfare. Honestly, this was the first time I've witnessed a musician inform the concert staff to provide water for his audience, and it was also the first time I've seen a musician ensure that all his devotees had sufficient breathing space despite the packed and downright shitty/insulting/suffocating venue. Prior to this I had read fan accounts about how compassionate and caring Matty was towards their fans, and I felt lucky enough to have seen it for myself. 

His kindness aside, seeing Matty do his signature hair flips and witnessing his louche, sensual charisma at work was another sight to behold. Everyone - girl, boy, man, woman - was enthralled, lapping up every word he spoke and screaming whenever he did a body wave or a little prance on stage. Every camera around was directed at him, recording every antic he did. In short, everybody fell down the rabbit hole of Healy-dom last night. Singapore could have possibly heralded a new rock icon of the modern age, and we knew it. I for one thought I had already reached the apex of my obsession with Mr. Healy, but it simply multiplied ten and twenty-fold after the performance. Go on, shoot me for being a fan girl. 

This is not to say the others were not excellent. Guitarist Adam Hann, Bassist Ross MacDonald and drummer George Daniel were also on-point, delivering their signature 80's-tinged sound with much skill and panache. Hann and MacDonald were incredible switching from their instruments to the soundpads and keyboards seamlessly mid-song, never missing a beat. Daniel was also sensational, drumming with much gusto despite melting in the unforgiving heat and humidity. Sonically, they were amazing, the music crystal clear without any slip-ups and the songs effortlessly segueing one into another. 

It was certainly a fantastic gig and a night to remember. Matty made a promise to be back, and I hope he'll hold onto it. 

we exist

It pains me to acknowledge that the most serious of my familial conflicts are sparked off by national exams. Since when was learning meant to be a source of great pain?

In less poetic terms, fuck my parents.

20th Century Boy

Sometimes I wonder if I would still love you platonically if you were 10 years younger.

Would I treasure our conversations at 2am in a different way? Would I be even more unhinged by your silence? Would people stare at us less when we are together? Occasionally I can almost see their foreheads knot in confusion as they pick away at us like vultures, determined to extract the root of our relationship. It's sad how they'll never be able to see the way our minds meld as one.

I honestly dislike who you are with. I feel she doesn't deserve you, with all your kindness and patience. I wonder if she can make you happy, and something tells me she can't.

Too bad I'm 10 years too young, and you're 10 years too old.

Unfold

When you have nothing to do, time slips through your fingers like sand and your mind is set adrift. I remember sitting on the coach when I was on holiday, looking at the trees and houses flashing by. There's nothing much you can do on a cross-country drive that lasts several hours at a time, except think about everything.

It's toxic the way things that happened months ago still bother me. Ironically, thinking and doing nothing has somehow inadvertently allowed these terrible emotions and thoughts of mine to be dredged up. My Dad told me he's sick of my whining, and I know that. I'm sick of it myself. I try to vanquish these thoughts away but they end up flooding back whenever my Mum says something horrid and hurtful, unleashing all this negativity within me once more.

It's like a spider within my brain, tapping and prodding me occasionally, when the moment counts.

I'm so frightened, and my parents think I'm a disappointment, so what the fuck do I do now?

ultraviolence

University is going to start in little over a month's time and I am oscillating between excitement and anxiety. On one hand I am pleased by the prospect of meeting new people, while on the other hand I fear for the people I am going to meet. Sometimes I don't get how certain friends of mine can escape the realm of 'Bitchdom' and I've been trapped there since the age of 10. Here's to hoping I break free.

Moving On

My dear blogger has served its purpose well, and I suppose it's its time to wither and die off. I shall be writing most of my film reviews on letterboxd now, since it is more convenient and organised. I guess I shall return to this webspace whenever I reach a conundrum in life or if I feel a great need to write vaguely about events that either piss me off immensely or please me. 

Au revoir for now! 

"A Bad Asian"

Gosh I realise I haven't updated here in eons but whatever, here it goes.

Last week I attended the South-East Asian premiere of X-Men: Days of Future Past in an unsuccessful bid to see Hugh Jackman and Peter Dinklage, both of whom, own my heart. (Sorry Fan Ice Ice, I'm just not interested in you.) Prior to the attendance of these stars, their less-famous Mediacorp counterparts took to the red-carpet an hour before. As I viewed them (from a highly pixelised and webbed screen) making their rounds, I thought to myself, Who the hell are these people? The only two I could recognise were George Young, because he is easily one of the best looking persons in Singapore's tiny little media industry, as well as Beatrice Chia-Richmond because she staged a local rendition of the play (interestingly titled), Shopping and Fucking. Sadly, I also recognise her because she was also infamously the third party in the failed marriage between two local DJs. (Oops.)

As the emcee of the night (the perennially youthful Utt) announced their names, one could tell the reception from the audience was lukewarm and after trawling through Twitter feeds, I could see I was not the only one who didn't know half the people on the 'blue carpet'. And this got me thinking.

Am I a bad Asian for being so disinterested in the local media and entertainment industry? Judging from what I know about other Asian countries (e.g Thailand, Malaysia, China etc.), their support for their native stars is much more ardent and enthusiastic compared to that of Singapore's. Or should I simply blame my lack of interest on the supposed dearth of local talent? Or is it that our local stars simply do not have the 'X-Factor'? Perhaps is it just a skewed perception I have, that all local productions are inferior to foreign ones?

Until the day Mediacorp can produce a show in the line of Game of Thrones, I suppose I am, sadly, right.